God, where are you not?

Where can I go without You, God? What can I do that is going to ruin me forever? What can I do without You, God? Where is it You are going to slay me and leave me to die?

What is so wrong with my desires? I want to go to California more than I have wanted most anything in life; and I have desires to please the Lord and grow while there as well.

What is holding me back? Fear. What is keeping me still? Uncertainty of my future....

Yet if I stay here, I slowly lose my cool. I am not growing in the way I desire to. My hopes are not being realized. I am not satisfied living here in E'town; and it has nothing to do with me not liking any of the people, nor with how boring the place can be. It has everything to do with feeling a calling elsewhere; and the thought of staying here through that, living mediocrily....it disgusts me.

God, where can I go where you are not? Please go with me to California. Open doors for me and bless me there. I believe You are calling me there; and that is where I want to be. Please call me and bring me there by mid=April.

I love You, Jesus.

bad habits

Can I give up bad habits without going through pain?
Is it possible to rid myself of unnecessary, addictive gunk without withdrawal pains and gross feelings of insecurity, off-and-on misery, and grueling discomfort?

Nope.

Okay, then, pain. Bring it. I can't live with these excess life-drainers.

It's not Kansas time anymore....

You all know the comfortable place. Your Home. Your relaxation, familiarity, easy living. Your Kansas.

Well, it's not Kansas time anymore, Dorothy.

If it was last year, let me assure you that time has passed and the storm is coming. You cannot rely on the comforts or assurance of last year. Now is the time to fight for what you believe in and give your best to get through the stormy storms to your Emerald City. The yellow brick road is not looking very pretty right now. Hold on anyway! You can never make it to your dream if you stay seated on your bed...

It's NOT Kansas time anymore, Dorothy.

I am so tired this morning...

(1:58am)
It is 2am here and I am not yet ready for bed. I realize that I am not sleeping enough; yet it is very difficult to go to bed at a descent hour. Often I go on less than 4 hours of sleep per night, and I have been known to even give myself less than two (or none) on days even when there are no "pressing" events the following day.

Why am I persisting in this poor sleep habit?

I think it is bc I am a task-oriented perfectionist who wants to get the most out of my day. I think of too many things undone and refuse to sleep with these things unfinished.

Or is it that I have fear of not completing things, and I am unwisely stubborn...somehow thinking that my day has not yet ended if I have not shut my eyes, ignoring the fact that the clock has indeed changed and I am merely existing on less sleep?

My former mentality/ explanation does not keep me always in the green: For I know that God promises rest for His righteous-- that I want to be and enjoy--and my refusing to give myself this gift only lessens my weight of pre-distributed-from-the-Lord blessings. I realize that sleep is important and that it is not healthy to leave sleep off the checklist for goals in good health, and in order to better my health and my happiness, it is most likely necessary that I edit my habits regarding rest.

╘ I am resolving to better manage my time in order to fit in at least 6 hrs of sleep.

*Please, Lord, help me to discipline myself in order to keep this goal. Let me know clearly if I need to alter this goal. I praise Your name and thank You for the blessing of sleep. May I sleep well tonight and may I bring You glory in the way I carry out tomorrow. I love You!


I'll let you (blog-readers) know how adhering to the sleeping goal goes:)

..................................................................................................................................................
(2:10am)
Side note:

You know what? I like blogging. It is almost to me like freedom to journal to the world what I am feeling but with a built-in liberty to not have to be too cautious. I appreciate this opportunity, probably more than most.
I used to journal a lot as a child. I still do somewhat. Journaling keeps me real, I do believe, because it forces me to be honest with myself; encourages me to think on a deeper, more philosophical level, and it gives me an outlet for inner thoughts and wisdom from above.

So I needed a place to...

So I needed a place to divulge my life's deep turmoils, inner-struggles, and light joys.
A place to express, to release, to invest in a place where minds are turning rapidly.

To celebrate life and its beauty.

To indulge in pensive life-path thoughts, philosophical meandering and chit-chat.

So this is where I begin.

I am Ariel: Welcome to my blog!